Sexual Harassment in the Workplace: Wrong, But Highly Amusing

Last week, as part of our company's new "let's cut down on the blowjob jokes when clients are in the building" campaign, management -- of which, amazingly, I am a part -- was required to view an online sexual harassment tutorial.

Sadly, it wasn't an educational piece, designed to help me coax Laurie from finance out of her ridiculously tight jeans, but rather a painfully explanatory piece on what constitutes "unwanted harassment in the workplace" [Surprise! You shouldn't look at porno on your iPad during a meeting or feel up your co-workers while they're reaching for sugar in the cabinet over the coffee machine].

The video was amazingly hilarious, and my only regret is that I couldn't somehow capture the fucker and post it all here. But I think the screenshots presented above pretty much get the point across.

Personally, my feeling on unwanted sexual harassment in the workplace is that the key word is "unwanted." I think there are plenty of folks in my building who show up purely for the chance to gawk at or to be gawked at by fellow workers. Swing a stick and you can hit at least fifteen women in my office who seem to treat their eight hours away from the hubby and four kids as if they're heading to a Bon Jovi concert, with their hair teased up for miles, tighter-than-tight skirts and pants, and heels that would make any stripper envious. I've often wondered who these women were dressing up for... until I came to believe it was me. And any other guy in the building (yes, even Clive from accounting). They seem to be asking -- nay, begging -- for one of us to complement them on their physical attributes. And that's when HR has to step in and quash the good times.

Not cool. Because, as I see it, nothing makes the day move faster than a random "nice ass!" or hearing a couple girls in sales making cunnilingus jokes. In fact, I say bring this shit up at hiring time. All new employees should be warned: "Work here, and we will speak openly about your ass, examine your package daily, and, if liquored up enough, possibly try to bang you in the copy room. If you have a problem with any of that, perhaps WalMart would be a better match for you."