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20 September 2010

Homeless, Yes. But Well-Laid.

So last Friday, me and my man Sully were taking lunch at a bar near Kenmore Square. And there's this skeevy looking dude sitting all by himself at a corner table. A dude who seriously looked like a bona fide homeless fella, with a tattered Herald under his arm, one of those hand-held transistor radios they stopped making back in the Carter administration, and hair like he'd just brushed it with a pillow. Sully and I started wondering aloud how long it would be until a waitress or bouncer kicked him out.

About four beers later, this cute, professional-looking woman walks in: long brown hair, tight skirt, smokin' hot ass. And as Sully and I suck in our chests and start involuntarily flexing our biceps, she passes us and beelines for the hobo. Gives him a kiss on the cheek. Runs her hand through his impossibly scroungy hair. And I'm thinking this has gotta be a joke, A B.U. sorority chick "let's tease the homeless dude" thing. But as they're talking, he places his unkempt hand on the spectacular curve of her derriere. And it stays there. Until she kisses him again and joins him in the booth.

So Sully and I start doing the math. A hand on her ass. Kisses on the mouth. It's not her dad [and if it was... ewwwww]. Not a brother. Might be a cousin, but... who the fuck feels up their cousin's ass? No, we figured. These two must be romantically involved. And as they sat there, her perfume covering the dirt fumes rising off his scalp, you could see that she was actually enjoying his company. Christ almighty, she was there by choice!

And it gets us thinking... how do guys like that [and you see the photo above, folks? Not that far off.] score premium trim like her? It's the one thing that always blows my mind when I see a guy who by all accounts is either destitute or filthy with some hygiene-related disease or barking madly at a wall in a Heineken-inspired haze and he's got a fucking hottie on his arm.

What is it, ladies? Do these scumbags have money? Huge cocks? Real estate in Miami? Or is it a sympathy thing? Because I'm ready to give up on the whole showering bit if it lands my mouth between your legs with greater frequency.


ModernMom said...

Ug. Not my scene. I guess love is blind?

andygirl said...

I am at a complete loss.

a homeless man asked me out once. he was digging in my trash bin at the time. and I said I was married and ran away.

Vodka and Ground Beef said...

Maybe it was some kinky role playing. Hot, minxy trim reaches across the poverty line to help a man who's down-and-out, then in true rags to riches fashion, she cleans him up (with her tongue) and turns him loose in the world, where all he needs is his Armani and his transistor radio.


Elizabeth said...

He "gets"her, sees her, the inside. And lovely as her outside sounds, it's likely not too many have dug deeper to discover it. It's the inside girl that chooses the man.

That's the whole premise of the fictional tale I'm posting at A man can have it all but still not have what it takes to hold onto a woman...

Anonymous said...

Please continue showering, Ken. The broad is batcrap mad. She might have a nice ass, but there's obviously something amiss upstairs.

Something She Dated said...

Maybe he makes her laugh. Like so hard she peed in her pants. And after that. He figured. "I can just let myself go". Because afterall. He'd just seen her pee in her pants.

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