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18 August 2011

The Business of Perversion

Last week, a day of seemingly endless meetings finally ended, and I found myself heading out for after-work dinner with some coworkers. Some I knew quite well; others I'd never met. But one of the ladies with us possessed a remarkable ass, which a male coworker friend of mine and I had spent the better part of the day's meetings drooling over. And getting to ogle it for a few more hours was good enough for me.

But not enough, apparently, for my friend. As we're walking into the restaurant, I see him walking close behind her, fumbling with his phone. A couple minutes later, inside the restaurant, he sends me a photo. Of her backside. Now the pic doesn't really do that bum justice, but the point is he sent me the photo, I laughed, saved it (of course), then went about my business.

Until last weekend, when I attended a family cookout and got all silly with the Bud Light. My six year old niece, who loves playing with phones, asked if she could see mine and I quickly obliged. So she goes off, pretending to talk to someone on the phone and I get back to my drinking. Then, a few minutes later, my niece is waving the phone at her mother, my sister.

"Ew, Uncle Ken has a picture of someone's bum on his phone."

My sister took the phone from her daughter, gave it a look, raised an eyebrow in disgust, then scanned the crowd for me. I was already sprinting her way, wishing myself invisible, and blabbering whatever excuses came into my head: "Oh, yeah, a friend sent me that as a joke and I meant to delete it but I kept it andohboyisthisweirdbutitreallyisn'tmyphoneandanywayIjustneedtoblahblahblah..." I took the phone from her, and faded sheepishly into the background, where I remained for the balance of the night.

See, I can handle everyone at work thinking I'm a world class pervert (hell, no way to change their minds now, anyway). I can handle the Kenettes who wander in and out of my life thinking the same thing. But my family? Something about one of my sisters knowing I had that photo on my cell phone... it just makes me wanna join the French Foreign Legion.

I hear they've also got some hot chicks as well.

6 comments:

womenarefrommars said...

Well. That'll teach you to take pictures of ladybits without asking permission.

.... except you didn't take said picture... and I bet your buddy just thinks this is funny...

Well. Imagine what the picture would've looked like if she'd given you permission!

... er... not helpful to my point...

Sheri Will said...

this still your email? kenandariel@comcast.net

Tiffany Ridges said...

I dont know...Keep on movin'
Producer Christ Young

Tiffany Ridges said...

I dont know...Keep on movin'
Producer Christ Young

kold_kadavr_ flatliner said...

The more you shall honor Me,
the more I shall bless you.
-the Infant Jesus of Prague
(<- Czech Republic, next to Russia)

trustNjesus, dear,
and wiseabove to Seventh-Heaven...
cuzz the other realm aint too cool.
God bless your indelible soul.

kold_kadavr_ flatliner said...

The more you shall honor Me,
the more I shall bless you.
-the Infant Jesus of Prague
(<- Czech Republic, next to Russia)

trustNjesus, dear,
and wiseabove to Seventh-Heaven...
cuzz the other realm aint too cool.
God bless your indelible soul.

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