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26 October 2012

Ladies, Your Dream Men Are Here

It's pretty much an established fact that women can get laid whenever they damn well please. As Jerry Seinfeld so eloquently put it, "Women are in charge of sex. If men were in charge of sex, women would never see the insides of restaurants."

Lately, though, I'm seeing a bit of a power-shift. Guys who look like they'd be uncomfortable fingering anything but a Texas Instruments calculator are walking around with fine-ass ladies. Women flood dating sites looking for "Seth Rogen and Zack Galifianakis types." Bill in accounting is banging a former stripper.

Apparently, this is an international phenomenon. Because a recent poll of 2,500 women in the UK revealed that their two biggest turn-ons were unkempt guys with facial hair and geeks. Also among the most desired were guys who cry at sappy films (holla!) and guys who are "soft and cuddly instead of toned and muscly."

I don't see "pale, tattooed, sardonic Irishmen" on that list, but I won't let it bring me down. I'm just gonna up my Hostess Fruit Pie intake, throw away the Gillette Sensor and wait for the pussy to find me.

I'll be right here. Just so you know.


Gray said...

hahaha Hey pale, tattooed, sardonic Irishmen are on my list! You just need to keep exploring those lists.:P

Suzyn said...

Honestly, I'd do Patton Oswalt.

No One Reads The Copy said...

Pale, tattooed, sardonic and Irish? Be still my heart. This is my exact list of criteria. Not sleeve tattoos? Because I will develop an unhealthy crush if so.

Miss Alpha said...

Go ahead and toss "articulate" onto that checklist of love and you've got yourself a deal...

PS: The guys you pictured above, and listed in the blog, are gross. Miss Alpha lives in a strict "no-fatty" zone.

Ken said...

G: Hey, well... you might be on MY list. What ya got?

S: So would I.

NORTC: Not sleeves but they are on my arms. Or shoulders, to be more precise.

Miss: Yes, articulate should always be on the list. Merci.

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