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02 December 2009

And The Horse You Rode In On

I get roughly 400 e-mails a day from sites offering "Teen Girls Fucking Sheep" and "Horny MILF Taking It Out On The Family Dog" and "Dr. Phil Making a Pizza, Shirtless."

Needless to say, I don't click on any of them, not even out of sick curiosity.

But somebody's gotta be buying that shit. The question is, who? Who needs to see a woman blowing a horse? Especially if it's an ex-girlfriend of mine who swears that the horse is just an old friend who she's helping through a difficult time.

Myself, I just don't get it. Once, during a high school party, I saw a girl jack off a dog, and it was the single grossest thing I've ever witnessed [never mind the fact that the dog saw more action in that night than I'd had in a month]. That kinda turned me off to animal porn right there. Of course, I can't even watch the money shots in a porno featuring humans. Hey, call me crazy, I don't like watching another guy shoot his load; dogs, even less so.

Perhaps it's just the fascination of the abomination that attracts people to these flicks. But what of the girls who star in them? I know times are tough, with the recession and all, and pride always takes a backseat to three square meals a day. But if you absolutely, positively had to get into porno, wouldn't you try to get into the branch that focuses on human-on-human fucking? Wouldn't that just make more sense? I mean, if I was a chick, I'd rather be the meat in a Wilford Brimley/John Madden sandwich than take it up the ass from a camel.

But that's just me.


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